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05/12/2012 / creepcv

God is Amazing…

I was lying on my stomach in my bed, not having any want/will to move.  I couldn’t even force a smile upon my face.  As I’m laying there texting a friend about my stupid brain hating me, I feel something crawling on my left shoulder blade.  For those of you who don’t know me, I H-A-T-E bugs.  Phobia-style hate them, full stop.  In any case, I’m not gonna let this lil, whatever, rule me.  So I take my right hand, close my eyes, reach over to my left should blade, and quickly smack my back.  I definitely felt something, it wasn’t just my imagination.   I then clinch my fingers together, making a fist, and feel some ooze start to seep.  I briskly remove my hand from my back  and chuck the thing against the back of my open bedroom door.  All I see is something black fly across the room; my first and only thought: a roach.  Disgusting!  A roach was just on my back! So I get up to wash my hands from the little bit of goo, and before returning to my room, I grab a shoe.  I’m gonna kill that roach so hard!  I move the door and raise the shoe in the air to smash the roach, but I only came to find a fluffy black caterpillar “limping” away with its guts trailing  a mark on my floor behind it.  A huge sigh of relief comes across me.  “How did you get in here, little dude?”  I pinch its fur, pick it up, and toss it outside.

I figured this HAD to be an act of God to get me moving again.  God knows I hate bugs, but don’t mind the lil fluffy caterpillars (even though I have no clue if they have any danger to them whatsoever).  It was just so random that it was a caterpillar on my back.  How the heck did it get there?  I am only going to believe that God placed it there in order to get me moving again….within a certain amount of time, too.

So now that my blood is back flowing into my body, I decide to write in my journal.  I’ve always written in a journal since I was a child, and it has always helped me.  I’ve been lazy lately, but I really needed to “talk” out some issues with myself, so I wrote it all down.  When I finished, I decided that it was time to be a lil social, so I went to go up to talk to Auntie and Uncle.  When I stepped outside my door, I saw an animal in the carrot garden.  Thinking it was a goat, I move closer to go make friends (I like to say hi to the neighbourhood goats).  When I got closer, I realized it wasn’t a goat, but a large pig!  I start to chuckle to myself.  A few seconds later I see a man walking up to the hog with a stick.  I then proceeded to watch him try and force the pig back up the hill to his pen.  The man was hitting the pig, kicking him, everything to get it to move, but the pig kept resisting, and continued to eat whatever was on the ground (maybe getting some carrots).  Oh man, I just kept laughing the entire like 5mins this was going on.  Eventually, yeah, the pig started moving towards his pen.  After about a minute when they were out of site, I hear the pig cry out.  Ha..oohh the price of freedom.  I hope it tasted good, pal.  Here again, God has me get up, just in time to see this episode, so I can get some more laughter in my day.  A forced smile is never as good as a genuine one.

I go and chat with Auntie and Uncle for a small bit, then came back down because I wanted to blog.  But before I do anything, I must always check Facebook (I hate this about me, but have no want to change it).  A friend sent me a link to a picture of a grumpy cat, totally adorable.  Then I saw a post of a crazy funny video from another friend.  Again..genuine smiles reach my lips.  And now I’m posting all of my happenings.

God KNOWS and has life events planned out for us.  My motivation to do most anything, especially today, has been shot.  I feel alone,  in a dark hole, and it’s hard to pull yourself out of hole where you can’t reach the edge.   I try jumping to grab it, but I keep slipping.  I need an extension.  I need a pole, a string, another hand to come from the other end to pull me out.  The problem is that I do feel alone and I think I’m alone.  The solution is to know that I’m NEVER alone.  That extension, that hand, is ALWAYS there to help me.  It is my choice to see it AND use it.  I can see it, yeah, but lately I’ve been choosing not to use it.  God is just waiting.  He is patient.  I’m sure He gets pissed when I’m practically screaming for help in that hole, thinking I have nothing, when He is always with me.

I need to get out of this damn hole.  Apparently what I’ve been doing, hasn’t been working.  The events that occurred today helped me to see that hand.  I am now choosing to grab hold of it.  God will pull me out of this hole.  I can see the light already.  I just can’t let go.

Here’s to putting my words into action…

6 Comments

Leave a Comment
  1. Chris burd / Dec 5 2012 4:38 pm

    Cree ,you just bless me with your comments.. I think you are wise beyond your years

  2. creepcv / Dec 5 2012 4:43 pm

    UPDATE: I just got a text from a fellow PCV telling me that I took great minutes from our most recent Warden’s meeting. :-) And the comment from Brie’s mom, made me smile. Thanks. :-)

  3. Janet Pearson / Dec 5 2012 5:13 pm

    When I’m blue, making myself be social always helps. I have to get outside of myself, focus on others, and “make nice”. That usually lifts my mood. How’s the stomach bug?

    • creepcv / Dec 5 2012 10:44 pm

      Stomach bug is ok..just a one time thing.. it happens, and it’s over..ha.. just 5mins of absolute hell..ha

  4. Bill Aeppli / Dec 5 2012 11:48 pm

    Crystal, you never cease to amaze me. Some could be BS, but I don’t think so. I’m so proud of both of you girls

  5. MOM / Dec 10 2012 10:29 pm

    When you find yourself in that deep dark hole, just turn the light on and you may find that you are not alone!

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